F.L.Y. QMD

Updated From The "Love Our Town" Vault circa 2015

It’s simple to love unconditionally when we are unattached to how things should be. That’s why the Universe rewards us with flow when we remove our attachments to outcomes, to how things should play out or look like, so that we can simply share FROM love more freely. 

Remain open to each bare moment and ask, "What would Love Do?" And remember, Love is Fiercely Self Compassionate, firstly. Whilst exploring, processing, feeling, allowing and embracing my own deep, dark, yucky painful feelings over the years, I’ve had people tell me, advise me, warn me, that I’m too sensitive, too deep, too negative, too emotional, too "trapped in ego"; that I’m troubled, broken, un-enlightened, sick, even mentally ill. 

Yes, I regard the 17 months I spent in those institutions as a wonderful time of growth and healing. 

I remain grateful to those who have either worked in or have walked that path. I do understand our collective fear of raw emotion, our need to flee the darkness and “seek the light”!  Yet I discovered, by coming close to death through multiple suicide attempts and finding only more life, there is really nothing to fear. There is no darkness, no “negativity”, when you truly face what’s hurting inside. 

On occasion, when I’ve been in jokey, lighthearted and creative moods, in touch with the absurdity and comedy and silliness and art of life, I’ve had people tell me that I’m not deep enough, not spiritual enough, not serious enough; that I’m using humour as a defence and my joy is fake and only a facade. 

I enjoy laughing my arse off. loudly, and totally get The Great Cosmic Joke. 

This was not always the case. Of course I understand the distrust of those who cannot access their own joyful inner child, the artist within. Those who have been conditioned to stuff the joy of living down. Those who have been conditioned to be obedient, compliant and seen to be "good and proper". 

I once was one Of them. For far too long. 

But I came to see, we ALL need access to that beautifully spontaneous and free and wild one. My inner child destroyed me and saved me. I love tiny Tony for showing me, me. We all need to laugh outrageously at ourselves sometimes. I do it now, daily. I embrace the absurd and ridiculous joy of being child like, unadulterated and free within, whole and reintegrated and NOT naive, insecure or childish. Discern that subtle nuance. 

In the past, when I’ve set boundaries, said no, drawn a line around what‘s okay for me and thereby defined what is not okay, I’ve had people tell me that I’m afraid, that I’m running from intimacy, emotionally immature; that I’m traumatised, in need of help, relationally damaged and that boundaries aren’t real. I understand the dislike of boundaries! It’s hard to hear “no” from someone. Remember, boundaries are soft landing spots, for your own self care, not armoured prison walls to lock others out. Harsh reactions or passive aggressive silence to you setting self care boundaries simply shows where their respect for you ends. 

I have been helped to understand, through being on the receiving end of powerful and honest and loving No’s over the years, that love should say No. We simply listen to the why. I would rather take the short term pain of respectful honesty than the deeper and chronic pain of resentment and simmering rage which I also lived through in a past 28 year relationship. 

Even our deepest feelings of rejection and abandonment and “not good enough” can be flushed with understanding and compassion. Watch how people react to your No's too. If there is anger or rage, you have probably said no to something toxic anyway. Boundaries can help us heal, and even bring us closer. 

So yes, I’ve been called cold, robotic, inhuman, detached, narcissistic, aloof when I haven’t been able or willing to meet another’s needs. When a clingy, needy energy feels like it's drowning or suffocating or unconsciously stifling my own true nature. When their may be further to ground and descend into their authentic Self. Let other's own unhealed projections. Fully. Always With Kindness and Love. 

I understand the crushing (and often unconscious!) disappointment when our wants or needs aren’t satisfied by another. Disappointment, disillusionment and despair have truly been my greatest teachers. I embrace them as close allies. The Path is Everywhere. For there is NO path. There is NO journey, once we realize and can answer, Who Am I? 

When I’ve walked my path, followed my heart - not always knowing where it would lead me - and broken away from what was expected or demanded of me, and stepped out of my fearful childhood conditioning, I’ve been called selfish, reckless, an abandoner, doomed to ridicule and ultimate failure 

Thank you abusive religious high school, thank you ancient bigoted and racist origin wounds, thank you inter generational DNA epigenetics. 

I know the courage it takes to walk one’s own unique path, and the (often unconscious) jealousy, fear, longing and even rage our freedom can trigger in others who have not yet found their own courage. 

Freedom to Be (Me) is The Highest Calling and why controllers who attempt to tell me just who TF I am, can still trigger my buttons. And that's Ok as I Thank them for their reminders of who I Am and the unwavering core values, of integrity, authenticity and open hearted vulnerability, I still hold dear. 

I understand the terror of creative and personal freedom, and the longing for it, and how states of jealousy and envy can be so very hard to digest or even tolerate. It is certainly easier to judge another than take full responsibility for ourselves. Atma Gnanam, Absolute Bliss and Love as Moksha, has been my kindest teacher. Liberation is here right now, if you so choose. 

If a problem remains, I Am It. 

Once we can honestly embrace THAT radical and profound responsibility without fear or favour, we stop hiding, we stop running, we get still, we reflect and face up to ALL our shite.  Once we become accountable for what behaviours we choose, what we have contributed to any situation, conflict or hurt and what we bring to The Table of Life to Grow and Be Better Beings, we reflect and learn. We stop finger pointing and blaming all those "others", over there. We stop being a victim of what may have been very real past trauma or childhood conditioning and we become conscious of our own patterns. 

From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank every single one of my ‘critics’ over the years (including my own inner ‘critic’, perhaps the loudest voice of them all!). 

You were all right, from your own perspective. The universe does NOT exclude any perspective (no matter how fucked up it may sound or be) and once we expand our lens to accept that full range diversity and then further realize that acceptance it exists, does NOT mean I have to agree to it. Discerning boundaries must also be in place once we realize what energy best suits and aligns with our Own True Nature. 

So thank you life. Thank you for the wake up call. You shook me, broke me and then held space to allow me to heal me, you closed me and opened me and brought me to the edge. Literally. More Than Once. You tested my resolve and forced me to get closer and closer to my raw and honest truth. 

Of who I Really Am... at my unadulterated core. 

You have all been my gu ru, (literally in Sanskrit, two words, "a remover of The Dark) whether you know it or not. 

And I thank you for The Love. 

A Renewed Simple Wholeness, Blessed From Love, NOT For Love. 

From an expansive and inclusive wholeness, NOT perfection. (still with harmless mischief...)

There is still a shit load of joy left in life to Be consciously created and shared. 

To pay the immense kindness, I have been gifted and shown by many, forward, is now one of my principal moment to moment simple desires. Self Care Comes First, unapologetically. No more excuses.

Well Come Aboard Flight QMD101
F.L.Y. Quacking Mudda Duckers.
Why So Siri Ass...? Unless It Is!

👆Today's In FLY Quacking Entertainment☝

FLY-ing High!