simple - ordinary - everywhere
- Challenge yourself. Undertake challenging experiences which push you outside your comfort zone. Alter a long term habit and do something simple and "new" at least once a week. Try new foods and recipes. Try waking at a different time and walking before work. Try a new item on the cafe or restaurant menu or create a new home made drink once in a while. Be playful without pressure. Share your results with loved ones. Reward yourself.
- Get out of your usual environment. Travel, explore more, even within your own neighborhood. Walk a new way to the shops or work or somewhere local you have not been before. Even if it is to check out the gardens and homes and businesses you may normally not even notice. Start a conversation and smile more and say good morning to random strangers, within safe reason, of course... Be more mindful and witness what is changing in your community. Observe nature, see more sunrises and sunsets.
- Ask for and get feedback on how they see you from trusted friends and family. Ask for honesty, not brutality. Be ok with receiving from trusted allies as this vulnerability deepens a mutual connection. Take it in turns and be intentional.
- Explore the heart not just the head. Take up yoga or meditation. Rest and self care more. Self compassion comes first and ensure your boundaries are in place. Say no to anything you do not want to engage with or violates your values, so then your yes has even more meaning. Ensure your needs are expressed, truthfully.
- Walk in others' shoes. Volunteer to serve in your community. Offer to serve and help other's. See the world through another's eyes. Broaden perspectives. (see 1)
- Examine and check in on your biases. Check in on any inherited unconscious conditioning and patterns. Internal negative bias and unhelpful habits can be incredibly subtle and difficult to shift, particularly if being further negatively enabled by family, friends and like mindedness or herd mentality. Be Ok with being unique and sovereign and just because "everyone" is doing something, does NOT mean you have to also.
- Cultivate your sense of curiosity. Be in awe more. Be Ok with wonder and uncertainty. Listen and Learn something new everyday. It is OK to NOT know and want to know and then do something about actually finding an answer or solution. Don't be naive or gullible, stand for something or you may fall for anything and develop a sense of discernment.
- Ask better questions. Life Long Learning is Real. It is not a cliche. If you believe you are the smartest person in the room, find a new room. Be challenged. Be intrinsically motivated to want to find out and expand your sense of wonder as part of YOUR whole human condition.
It’s empathy. In Practice. Gracious, Grounded, Humble.
Here’s a list of empathy statements to have handy at all times.
- You’re making total sense.
- I understand how you feel.
- You must feel so hopeless.
- I just feel such despair in you when you talk about this.
- You’re in a tough spot here.
- I can feel the pain you feel.
- The world needs to stop when you’re in this much pain.
- I wish you didn’t have to go through that.
- I’m on your side here.
- I wish I could have been with you in that moment.
- Oh, wow, that sounds terrible.
- You must feel so helpless.
- That hurts me to hear that.
- I support your position here.
- I totally agree with you.
- You are feeling so trapped!
- You are making total sense.
- That sounds like you felt really disgusted!
- No wonder you’re upset.
- I’d feel the same way you do in your situation.
- I think you’re right.
- I see. Let me summarize: What you’re thinking here is…
- You are in a lot of pain here. I can feel it.
- It would be great to be free of this.
- That must have annoyed you.
- That would make me mad too.
- That sounds infuriating.
- That sounds frustrating.
- That is very scary.
- Well I agree with most of what you’re saying.
- I would have also been disappointed by that.
- That would have hurt my feelings also.
- That would make me sad too.
- POOR BABY!
- Wow, that must have hurt.
- I understand what you’re feeling.
- You are making a lot of sense to me.
- Okay, I think I get it. So what you’re feeling is…
- Let me try to paraphrase and summarize what you’re saying. You’re saying…
- I would have trouble coping with that.
- What I admire most about what you’re doing is…
- That would make me feel insecure.
- That sounds a little frightening.
- Tell me what you see as your choices here.
Use these with your partner regularly for a more intimate couple bond.
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Compassion induces neural plasticity in emotion regulation networks.
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Compassion enables adaptive coping via broadening the thought-attention-scope.
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Compassion upregulates positive affect.
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Compassion is beneficial for people inclined to interpersonal problems.
"Empathy for the plight of others is very positive and powerful. In it the empathetic person is able to imagine being in the place of the troubled person and feel what they feel. In fact, empathy precedes compassion. Empathy without compassion leaves the individual drained of energy as a result of feeling what the other feels. Empathy occurs immediately and leaves no emotional room between the individual and the one who is suffering. Compassion is more cognitive in nature. There is a sense of self awareness that provides some necessary space between the two people. The empathizer experiences the same suffering with the other, leaving the empathizer overwhelmed. As a result, compassion allows the individual the be more helpful than the individual who experiences empathy alone. None of this implies that there is anything wrong with empathy. Simply put, we need a combination of both empathy and compassion to be most helpful to people". - Allan N. Schwartz, PhD
