Self Healers, Self Love, Self Care.
A "healer" does not heal you.
A healer is someone who simply listens and holds space for you while you awaken your inner healer, so that you may heal yourself. In healthy relationships we need to talk more about degrees or levels of 'let go' and ‘broken up’. You can meet someone who is technically not with their ex but still completely enmeshed, corded, obsessed, preoccupied, controlled by them or giving them so much of their energy and attention.
If a new intimate partner has multiple cords to still cut with ex's, or they still have strongly corded mother, father and sibling wounds, becoming intimate with them can feel like attending an orgy!
You never know who's energy is actually present and you can absorb any residual unhealed corded toxicity during love making. Rushing into repeated new relationships while avoiding doing any reflective healing or assimilating and the appropriate energetic hygiene and karmic clearing, with an ex partner is a recipe for just repeating the exact same patterns with a new partner. Ensure any partner has cut ties energetically and moved on and healed from ex's, especially if they have had a series of rapid or recent relationships that expose and repeat their life long unhealed patterns. I hope that any vengeful person that may have hurt you doesn’t make you lose your faith or trust in humanity. I hope you know that there are good, trustworthy people out there who are safe to let in and are genuinely taking responsibility for cutting karmic cords. I’m never worried about losing someone else in a relationship as I always trust them to already be an inter dependent sovereign being. My responsibility and attention is about NOT losing my own true self if I was to become routinely blinded or overly comfortable and take things for granted and then forget to do my own self healing and energetic clearing work.
If more people understood soul mate connections they would know they have different purposes and destinies. Human ignorance of the self in the name of "love" is more infectious than any other dis ease. Not all "soul mates" are destined to be in union with each other but they are always about opening the heart and expanding your consciousness.
If your heart is closed a soul mate connection will expose just how much it still may be closed. This idea that once you meet the right person you’ll never feel alone or misunderstood again is one of the lies we tell ourselves about love. People need to understand that healthy deeper trust is created over time. It’s built on consistency of words and aligned actions which leads to the creation of supportive, not perfect, patterns. Deeper connection is created by paying attention to ever more finely nuanced detail and seeing first hand how someone shows up over time.
Connection is not built on chemical magnetism or lust or surface level ego or how much you’re physically attracted to someone or how much you initially "like" them on first contact. Even in a long term harmonious connection there are times when love is there and you’re not able to receive it. Simply be aware this has occurred and communicate that to your partner.
The best self healing growth and energetic replenishing is whatever works best for you moment to moment, providing these needs are explicitly communicated.
If it’s solitude and reading a great novel, journaling your thoughts, writing songs, do that.
If it’s training your body hard, competing in a challenging sport or simply walking in nature, do that.
If it’s raising your kids, spending time with family and friends, creating and running a business, do that.
Wisdom is knowing what is best for you and what to ignore. Do not be pressured (or bullied) into compliance or co-dependency or settling for less than you deserve.
In any situation in life, you always have three choices:
- you can change it if it pertains to your choices and actions,
- you can accept it if you can't control or change it, or
- you can leave it.
(anything else is madness...)
The health of any relationship comes down to how well you manage conflict, together.
The deeper more enduring sign of a healthy relationship is how little conflict is present in the first place because mutually aligned hearts and vulnerable communication is already in place. Trust is this bedrock. Created inner space (from The Self) to hold this (FOR The True Self) is the mutual pre requisite for harmonious relationships. Know who YOU are, know what you don't want, know what you deserve and DO NOT settle for less. This freshly created daily inner space for The Self is always iterated towards and we may never arrive at a fully "conscious" place in partnership and that is OK. We are simply intending to be better, more whole, more integrated and full (and not perfect) than we were yesterday. Life and personal growth is neither a comparison nor a competition.
How authentically we can repair after any conflict, as even minor disagreements are acknowledged, recognized and openly learned from. We apologize when mistakes are realized and take responsibility for what we have contributed.
Most natural born healers need to learn how to find the off button on their gifts so that they can exercise more choice. Self healers learn finely nuanced boundaries and subtle discernment so people can not take advantage of their energy. Self healers come into their power by being a selective catalyst and a healthy conduit and how to recharge your own battery, firstly. Cease the reaching, avoid drama and gossip and those that lack presence and stay focused on your own inner journey. From that place of inner expansion and a healthy over flowing wholeness, we may choose to serve others and commune inter dependently in community.
Self healing, self love and self care, which means to listen to YOUR own needs, from moment to moment must come first.
Despite what we may have been sold or told by other's.
From Love, NOT For Love.
Simple.
