DTW - DAY 26

I love a good boot scooting ramble, 

Add Venture, Add Joy, Add a whole lotta hole LOVE...

rising all over life and tunneling into mountains 

forging wild rivers and swimming gentle streams.

Diving ever deeper, going down, riding rising crests, 

foraging, questing, exploring and tasting 

all the hidden nooks and crannies.

I Hope One Day You May Join Us...

Living Life In Peace.

Absolutely the truth… You don’t have relationship problems.

There are long term, pre existing childhood somatic developmental conditioning 

BROUGHT with each person 

INTO the relationship that then become triggered.  

These yet to be resolved childhood psychological developmental 

attachment and conditioning issues are NOT you.

They are somatic energy 

(aka gifts of conditioning, once we reveal & feel & clear them)

 you were exposed to as a child. 

You stayed attached to love the best you could as a child.

Your childhood survival was dependent on remaining attached to whatever 

was modelled and given and shown to YOU as love. 

And some of those models of love were less than whole or ideal or maybe 

not what you want to stay attached to now you know better as a grown ass adult.

This is now your choice to do the inner healing and revealing and reintegration work. 

This is to realize NOW for your adult Self as you re parent your inner child

and to do the inner re-integration, clearing, expansion and inner growth work.

 

We all get a choice to return back to wholeness and 

back to love before any terms and conditions were imposed.

YOU now get to choose that path as a grown ass adult.

No one is forcing you or telling you or here to save you

which is the first surrender of the ego. 

You are totally responsible for your life.

Do NOT be a victim, now. 

Sure, ask for help, seek community, be in communion with supportive and aligned energies.

However, do NOT expect them (or anyone) to be there to save you or tell you 

or enable you or enmesh with you. 

Be a grown ass sovereign being and simply learn to listen and Be.

You may even choose to forgive

any energy that was less than an ideal.

But do not be sold the ideal that you must. 

You only need to trust your own whole Self, 

once you realize them 

and are grounded in your own unwavering priorities. 

Be there for YOU firstly.

Be whole by your SELF. Firstly. 

Be self compassionate and self aware of what best aligns with your own true nature.

Your life, your choices, are yours alone 

and do not have to make sense or be accepted by anyone else. 

Always Be kind, always choose non harmful to self and others. 

Don't choose to damage your self, 

or expose your self to other's energy that is misaligned to your true nature, 

either physically, emotionally or psychologically 

Choose patterns over time that support your highest good. 

Establish and create habits that support your true nature.

And firstly, know who your unadulterated true self actually is...

Get grounded, get real, be honest, be true

To you, 

Be kind, be kind, be kind. 

To YOU

Be Un Harm Full. 

In word, action and deed

To you. 

Waaaay back then, in your family of origin, 

hope fully a safe loving space with two parents or care providers who only wanted the best for you 

your developing child stayed attached to whatever was being served as Love.

It may have been an awesome upbringing;

protective and caring and full of love and affection and joy and responsibility.

It also may not have been ideal. 

It probably was not perfect. Not many parents are. 

Some are far from ideal through no fault of their own,

They were doing their best and their best still may not have been ideal.

But That was then and this is now. 

Now you may know better, as an adult, 

you may choose to see more clearly those "loves" 

were all that care provider was able to provide.

It was their version of love so they passed it onto you. 

Intergenerational gifts if you will. 

Somatic energy and inherited epigenetics if you will. 

We are all doing our best with our current way of being.

Maybe your parents were too?

Of course they were. 

Can we allow our selves to create the inner space to accept that truth? 

Not agree, not forgive, not say it was wonderful, but just accept. 

Only you can choose to do that acceptance work when you are ready.

Some may never and that is also OK. 

Absolutely parents are doing their best. 

It is THE mist important role on earth. 

To be responsible for raising our most precious beings, our children. 

And in some cases That Best may have been incredibly traumatic. 

Abandonment, absence, addictions, enabling, enmeshment, bitter divorce, drug and alcohol issues, instability of expectations, a lack of consistency, a lack of boundaries, a lack of interest in child's perspective, not listening, a lack of presence, workaholic, incarceration, religious dogma, bigotry or fundamentalism, physical, emotional or social neglect, sexual crimes and psychological abuse, early death of a parent or sibling, parental promiscuity and rotating partners, family tragedy, poverty, homelessness, criminal activity, lack of respect or constant arguing and fighting leading to unsafe spaces, growing up too quick and being the parent of your parents whilst still a child your self.

 The list of obvious traumas and neglectful conditioning or 

inordinate amounts of suffering you may have been exposed to as a child is endless. 

Trauma is very real.

As is conditioning.

And we have all been conditioned by our parents.

That range of conditioning is infinite. 

The journey now, for those adults who choose to heal, 

who choose to expose the unconscious, to do the work, 

 to get in touch with the subconscious, to dream, 

for those adults who are sick and tried of blaming every one else or 

choosing addictive numb out behaviours, 

or by passing by finger pointing and projecting onto "others" 

is to face that past, to get curious about family of origin patterns, 

to wonder more about subtle inherited somatic energy

not live in it, not wallow in it, not get stuck down a rabbit hole, 

but to pull any unhelpful conditioning out by the roots 

and start moving towards a reintegrated wholeness.

This inner journey is a conscious decision and is never easy.

The dark night of the soul (multiple times over) 

is messy and scary and so honest and rewarding. 

It is like a total inner cleanse that lets go of any remaining addictive victim patterns 

that are still unconsciously limiting growth.

 If needed seek professional help, share with a trusted friend, 

talk it out, shake it out, move it out 

be witnessed by and with people who get you and hold you in a safe place.

 Somatic energy work, titration and release to reintegrate awareness of any patterns of conditioning 

(trauma/mental health/issues that hold you back) 

Remove Any terms & conditions that remain that are not yours, 

clear out the unconscious by digging down and revealing your true self

how you were born, how you already are at your eternal unwavering core

the inner journey is shedding layers, not adding more, 

the inner journey is still and deep and often silent

the inner journey is back to basics and simplicity

the inner journey reveals, peels, feels and heals, 

the inner journey lifts the veils, creates more calm inner space and is ultimately liberating

You let go of any falsities of tightly tied knots;

 the troublesome or problematical or repetitive or limiting

pain in the heart variety

knots.

If you choose to come clean, if you choose to hold the mirror up, 

if you choose to stop blaming or shaming anyone else.

if you choose to authentically surrender to source and open your heart  

if you choose to drop any armour and unhelpful stories around the journey so far. 

If you Choose to stop projecting and blaming all those "others" 

and instead get more curious, live with more awe, 

be OK with NOT knowing an answer

be ok with uncertainty, 

welcome it all with conscious boundaries of self care, 

 hold a clear clean mirror up to your True Self

be responsible, be accountable, be true and NOT a victim, 

Ask better questions... 

Who Am I...? 

Really? 

Before The Terms & Conditions? 

Before any trauma?

Before The World Told Me Who To Be? 

Before the layers upon layers of expectations were added by others? 

(as I tried my best to stay attached to parents and the love they modelled, showed and served)

Have the patience to wait until clarity comes.

Have the patience to let the mud settle.

Have the inner courage (core rage, agni or inner fire) 

to be grounded as the unwavering whole you.

Learn to Be comfortable in that spacious stillness and inner quiet, 

Learn to be OK in your own silent company without any need to be internally activated.

Accept that the inner wilderness, the inner total void of SELF

 can be the scariest place on earth because there are no limits in our inner universe

Our true nature, that infinite place of grace and inner space 

is where unadulterated, pure and innocent (not naive) Self Love (wholeness)

actually NOW lives. 

There are NO veils. Here Now.

There are NO others. Here Now.

There are NO excuses when we get naked and raw and 100% honest 

with our own inner being.

No one is coming to save me.

No one else to blame.

No "others" did this to me, now.

If there is still a problem, I am it. 

I refuse to blame others, the "system" and be a victim

be The Change YOU want To Be

be grown ass and Fuck the finger pointing "othering".

Radical responsibility, radical accountability, grounded in self knowledge. 

No one else to create the life you want

So get off the high horse, get off the dodgy, moaning, avoidant habits, 

basically get off your ass for that donkey opens no locks...

and do the INNER work of returning to who you have always been. 

Self knowledge, the resolution of the "i", Who Am I?

that self knowledge is returning to a way of life 

worth living your whole way with your whole values and 

your healthy helpful kind choices 

as YOUR priority. 

This is the work of kind, compassionate and gentle boundaries.

For Your True Self.

Knowing who you are, 

knowing what you don't want, 

knowing what you deserve and 

NOT settling for less. 

That is all your choice. 

As YOUR priority. 

If that work is not too scary that is...

Any "wounds" of childhood conditioning that remain unconscious patterns 

may not be a choice you want to continue to live with. 

So choose to change.

We all have a choice if we choose not to remain victim to the unhealed, disintegrated, ego.

Let go of any limiting beliefs and habitual addictions. 

Any expired use by date labels that you (or others) applied and are now totally redundant may eventually get so tiresome, so heavy, so utterly boring like a broken or stuck record

that you begin to wallow and drown. 

Let that shit go. 

Choose to not get bogged down or sucked into other people's addictive quick sand. 

"Pay attention, be astonished, tell about it."

Don't get stuck living on someone else's "terms & conditions" aka debt. 

Don't be indebted to anyone else. 

Don't be tied to or lead by or emasculated and controlled by anyone except your own True Nature. 

Thank them for their interest, thank them for their attempts to hard sell and hook you in, 

thank them for trying ever so hard to "heal" you and tell you how to live your life. 

Be grateful, be thankful, be generous, not foolish. 

Those labels were once very real and a much needed "framework" 

so you can choose to work on them to then clear them.

No one is ever stuck for life, if they choose. 

All the labels that are inherited or applied or freely given by others in an attempt to BOX you in;

(may be real at the time if you choose to also believe them..)

"psyche splits", "abuse", "trauma", "emotional abandonment", "addictions", "behaviour patterns", "mental health issues", "dark night of the soul", "relationship problems", "religious fundamentalism", 

"developmental trauma", "shadow work", "dis integrated ego" etc etc ad infinitum

Only you can choose to apply what resonates for you

Only you can choose what you deem "helpful" labels (or societal stigma?)

Only you can choose do any inner reclamation work that may return you to wholeness.

And it is more than OK if you choose NOT to heal or go within as well.

Just don't then become a victim of your choices and blame others.

Don't project or by pass or finger point or get addicted to ANYTHING 

to dull or avoid The Most Important Whole Living Work Within

own the stuff that is yours, right from childhood, right from conception, right from birth.

Which is The Return To Wholeness and Unadulterated Love.

Turn and Face The Music Right Now as Karma never loses your address. 

Even if you try hard, ever so trying hard, 

to avoid facing your True Self 

You can never out run or by pass or 

dull and numb your True Self.

You may hide and escape for a while; 

artificial ascension models, new age and new cage, 

workaholic, alcoholic, shop a holic, control a holic, 

various forms of run a way disassociation; 

drunk, high, denial, addiction, blaming others in victimhood. 

You are the only thing present wherever you go.

You are the only thing present when you arrive.

The true self always is with you.

The true self never goes anywhere without you, 

you may try hard to suppress it

you may try hard to deny it

you may try hard to by pass it

you may try hard to change it

you may try hard to transcend it

Just. Stop. It.

Stop being a try hard. 

Instead do the work to accept it.

Instead do the work to remember it.

Instead do the work to re integrate it. 

Instead surrender, to your TRUE SELF, not another, 

draw a line in the sand and stop running away 

from your true self. 

get silent, get still, get real and get honest.

Be Ok in your own company, first.

Be secure in who you really are. 

Be Ok REALLY sharing vulnerably with another who can also listen and has the inner calm space to hold and receive. 

Without the judgmental or financial need to 

advise, sell, fix, heal or change you. 

You already are perfectly OK exactly as you are.

You are enough and always have been from birth.

Only YOU need to get on board with that truth. 

YOU are the only constant, the only thing present, always. 

So stop running those bullshit busy internal scripts. 

You cannot possibly be higher than your self.

So get a grip thrill seeker...

Come back to a fully grounded earth, 

Be the tender warm hearth fire, 

Be light and free and changeless as air, 

Be flowing as soft, deep, omniscient water, 

come home to only your ever present True Nature

The Self Who Is Always Here, Right Now.

(you can never be absent from your true nature

no matter how hard you try to run away)

Your Own True Nature is

Self Knowledge

So best to empty all that you are not and return to how you were at conception and birth.

Happy for NO reason. Bliss for NO reason. Love for NO reason.

Your True Nature NEVER needs a reason. 

Any unresolved (dis integrated) "issues" from how you were brought up, raised, 

cared for (or the inverse) 

have a direct affect on the depth, quality and style of your adult relating choices now.

These overflow into and are often raised acutely in romantic relationships.

These triggers will continue no matter how many partners you cycle through. 

Because any unhealed trigger actually remains IN you, 

not in the other.

Any other simply pushes the button or pulls the lever 

that reveals the dis integrated wound within you. 

That is why triggers are healing gifts.

If you choose to see them as opportunities to grow, 

not as a blame to project onto any other.

Until these behind the scene developmental and attachment patterns are teased out

(mother wounds/father wounds/family of origin wounds, collective shadow aspects) 

are consciously worked on and raised for re integration and resolution, 

we continue to meet our own unresolved issues, 

no matter who we are partnered with or how often we change partners.

 

Anything unresolved within us is often projected and blamed on the "other" 

To have and make these assumptions 

is to be "judgmental" with a limited perspective or whole knowledge of true self.

 

To blame others and finger point is far easier than direct communication, 

to listen attentively and ask better questions, 

remaining kind not right

 and facing our own music 

by being both accountable and responsible by 

developing firm boundaries 

that do not allow others to dump their unhealed somatic energy (aka shit) on you. 

Beware those who "other". 

Beware those who pedestal them self as special or guru or ONLY one way home. 

There are literally 8 BILLION paths home and NOT one of them is ANY better than another. 

Some choose a direct route, others choose a pace that suits them, others prefer to stay stuck and blame and victim shame all The Others.

Beware Those who are hard selling unhealed "healers" (wounded chirons) 

Beware Those who finger point and speak poorly of ex's years later

 (no inner work, easier to stay a victim)

Beware Those who believe they are superior, above, special, separate, 

faultless, irreplaceable or people pleasing perfectionists. 

Beware Those who are zealots, dogmatic, fundamentalists and want to win at any cost. 

Beware Those who spiritually by pass, 

Beware those so lost in their heads and disassociate through disembodiment. 

Beware Those who are religious bigots, rabid conspiracy theorists or religious conversionists. 

Beware The single minded teller/yeller or hard sales person seller who will not listen.

Beware The narrow minded, small minded, often small town or narrow life exposure 

who can't think critically for their TRUE self 

Beware those afraid to ask better questions or challenge their own assumptions, 

beliefs or stuck on old ways.

Beware those who do not have the capacity to pay attention and listen 

to a range of input or expertise or lived experience 

(not agree to it, just LISTEN and pay attention and Be open and curious to ask better questions if they do not understand) 

Beware those who cave in or roll over or give in and find it easier to agree to loud voices, 

ego marketeers, hard sellers and prefer to follow group think to "keep the peace"

Beware cults of personality where "might is right" or "my way or the highway" 

or other control freak behaviours (aka insecurity wounds) 

as it is simply "easier" and more agreeable to stay silent in the face of such a dominating ego

and causes no waves or dissent in the short term

But Resentment results if you bottle up your truth.

If there is NO chance of change, walk away.

Immediately. 

If it costs you your inner peace, it is TOO expensive. 

Walk away.

Immediately. 

Beware limited view points 

Beware those who cannot think critically and question their sources.

beware those who may THINK they are right without any grounded evidence

those who refuse to change their minds even when presented with fresh evidence. 

Beware those limited minds that assume to know or THINK they know

then create, listen to, believe and spread gossip 

(aka small minded people who thrive on high school drama and bullshit) 

as fact. 

Do Your Own Research, 

Do Your Own Investigations, 

Do your own deductions,

and even then STFU and be kind. 

Do your own inner work and figure shit out for your self by 

LISTENING to as wide a range of input and then possibly arrive 

at no fixed "opinion" and simply let things go if they don't really matter, 

are inconsequential or insult your heart, soul or values. 

If it won't matter in 6 months, let it go. 

Now.

Misalignment with self (somatic dis ease) comes from lowering your standards, 

it comes from addictions, it comes from being ONE of the inn crowd,

 a sheep following trendy popularity not truth and integrity 

Misalignment comes from not knowing who you are, 

Misalignment comes from settling for less than you know you deserve, 

Misalignment comes from leaky boundaries or selling your true self out to "fit in".

Misalignment comes from trying hard to dominate and win at all costs.

Misalignment comes from doing whatever it takes, takes, takes to win at life. 

Misalignment comes from living a lie, being a righteous unkind facade. 

These misalignments all stem from the ignorance of not YET knowing 

your own grounded true nature. 

Who Am I? 

Self knowledge?

Before the

possibly narrow perspectives or limited lived experiences.

When you know better, Be better. 

Level up and learn for life. 

Forgive past versions of your self 

when you didn't know what you do now. 

Be kind and aligned and take no shit.

Have non porous boundaries and tell it like it is, gracefully. 

Or not, depending on your intention and audience. 

Be authentic and do not dilute your core values for acceptance.

Have integrity.

Be whole, not perfect. 

Be you, be real, be firm fair and consistent.

Be forgiving and generous BUT NOT foolish. 

Leave when love is no longer (consistently) being served.  

Self Love means to honour your core values and stand by your principles.

Take NO shit and if others refuse to listen, evolve change or grow

walk away with your dignity in tact, your head held high and your heart wide open. 

Never sell your true self out as this leads to somatic dis ease and resentment.

Honour your NO 

so when you do say YES, 

it means something and is embodied. 

Do not over explain, 

do not try to justify or prove, 

do not argue with misaligned energy. 

Walk away from;

Unkind Idiots, gormless gold diggers, boastful bigots, flirty fools, 

mansplaining misogynists, dogmatic new agers, seedy sexists and xenophobic racists 

(and projecting self pedestal perfectionist entitled arrogant assholes, 

of course)

Any of the above perpetual patterns of stuck victims 

(not the temporarily mistaken lost sheep who just slipped up, once) 

those victims choosing to stay stuck in a projecting ego (all they have ever known...) 

those victims who will not choose to do their own INNER healing work (too hard...) 

those victims need not apply as their lack of kindness (To their TRUE SELF first)

will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. 

If you feel that negativity, 

if you feel that addictive victimhood, 

if you feel that insipid people pleasing, 

if you feel that energy vampire co-dependency, 

if you feel that control freakdom,  

offer help if they are receptive, offer assistance if they ask, 

offer love from a distance, always, 

BUT do not enter that unhealed lair and get dragged into a swirling vortex of 

drama, dis ease and addiction to unconscious, unhealthy patterns of survival, 

which are NOT thriving. 

Step away, gift them space, simply listen and observe and love them at a distance 

aligned with your own level of love and healing.

Trust them, they are awesome people, we all are, so

let them figure the simple shiFt out and choose do their own inner work

When they are ready to receive and NOT on your timeline. 

Love them FULLY and WHOLY from a distance but do not engage directly. 

Or if after repeated attempts to share and love and check in and help 

(without telling or selling or yelling at them)

You may have to

Walk away, 

don't waste time, 

move on.

They may be so knotted up with self loathing self hatred and self work undone

that no matter what you say or do or be

there will never be a natural flow or alignment.

And that is more than OK. 

We are not meant for everybody.

Don't even try that wanting to be liked bullshit on.

If you are not levelling up and out growing and letting misaligned people go, 

you aren't really living. 

You become stuck in their vortex of energy, 

you are not being responsible and creating your own way forward. 

It is never The Love That Breaks

But The Relating. 

Love even those you can't relate to.

Forgive them for they may not know what they do 

(or who they Be...)

Love all, trust few. 

Love Those Who Make Love Hard, 

Even Harder 

For They Missed Out On Sufficient Love Somewhere

and Certainly Need To Be Loved Now

 More. 

But NEVER love at your own expense. 

You must always LOVE your True Self more. 

or you gunna end up sunk on the rocks and run aground 

in someone else's shipwreck...

Trust others who choose to do their inner work

Trust other's to learn and figure their own choices out

Trust those who do not project, do not blame and live narrow minded gossip lives.

You are responsible for you

You create your own path

You may choose to Be and live as your own sovereign true nature

simple, content, kind and whole (not perfect) 

You may continue to grow and expand 

and be kind in accepting and receiving and thanking the beauty 

of life's abundant opportunities. 

"Pay attention, be astonished, tell about it" 

Keep It Sensually Safe

Keep It Seriously Silly

Keep It Simply Sweet.

Yes KISS really does make and creates a lot of sense. 

Don't ever be worried about how someone else chooses to live 

as long as their choices are both non harmful to themself and others. 

If they choose to be unaware and unconscious

addicted to anything, 

(gambling, drugs, debt, drinking, sex, porn, shopping, sport, work) 

let them Be,

Their loved ones will figure out their acceptance levels. 

Their loved ones may leave, or stay and support.

Their loved ones may walk away if it gets all too much.

Their loved ones never stop loving (if it is and was ever "real" love)

but they MAY stop relating to their own choices 

of enabling harmful behaviour

to continue. 

The World Really Is WONDER FULL 

if that is how YOU choose To see it and Be In It. 

The world is FULL of awe; 

awesome people everywhere, 

kind hearts everywhere, 

If that's how you choose to see it

Listen, observe, 

two ears two eyes?

only ONE mouth... 

God's Ratio? 

Divine Direct!

Abide and Use It! 

 

Beware the small minded of the disembodied egos 

who create and spread drama and dogma and dis ease, 

by over using their mouth...

who under use their eyes and ears

Listen and See FOUR times more than you speak

Beware those who are unable to critically and independently think for them Self, 

Beware those that have fixed firm beliefs based on incomplete evidence or group think. 

Call out or at least challenge patently unfounded opinions that lack foundation, 

don't get sucked into arguing with idiots or 

those who are attack dogs or insincere or suck holds or unkind assholes

or are simply unable to want to or choose to receive anything new

other than welded on trenchant conditioning from 

Group Think Spaces. 

If a lack of receptivity is innocently due to a lack of self awareness,

or a lack of self knowledge or an over riding urgent need to fit in to a 

group think, be gentle with them.

They may not even know what they do,

and that's OK, 

Until they choose to know better, let them be

you are NOT here to fix, heal, advise or even teach lessons

unless THEY request it, 

unless they consent and choose to grow

or unless they are OPEN TO LISTEN and RECEIVE and learn for THEM Self.

Everyone is our teacher, 

once we slow down, once we listen, once we go within and get curious.

Only fools think they know it all or 

sell it all like a super marketing store... 

that has NO core...

Do I Know? 

Who Am I? 

What TF do I actually stand for?

(stand for something, or you'll fall for everything...) 

Who Am I...?

Self knowledge is grounded, 

self knowledge is not ascended anywhere, 

It is not special, not separate, 

self knowledge is not off with the pixies of an anxious over think,

Self knowledge is simple, common and everywhere. 

Self knowledge is the EASIEST thing on earth. 

Accept the current moment as if YOU have chosen it. 

That is living as presence. Never absent. 

That ONE moment is the only thing that actually exists. 

Because YOU are there, 

because YOUR true self cannot Be anywhere else. 

That is you right now and you cannot be 

anywhere or anything else. 

You are the only constant trustable reality in existence.

You cannot EVER be separate from self, 

even if you tried. (really really hard)

Then life, then all, then right here once you know your 

OWN TRUE NATURE

suddenly, instantaneously, in this moment 

it is all Ok.

So live as always present, 

without manipulation, 

without force and 

without a clingy anxious neediness. 

Be OK with not knowing

Be comfortable with uncertainty. 

The sun rises. And sets. Everyday. 

The tides change, ebb and flow. Twice a day. 

Be more than fine with seasons circulating and changing consistently.

Because they do, we do, 

true nature has the most beautiful cyclic patterns if we pay attention. 

but ONE thing remains constant whilst absorbing all this beauty?

The True Self. 

The unchangeless.

The ever present consciousness. 

"I Got My Own Back" as Maya says

"With A Little Help From My Friends" as Joe sings

"Imagine All The People Living In Peace" as some Love Bug Beatles sang

If your "busy life" is only found 

in cults of personality (eg vacuous celebrity)  

or existential teen angst 

or anxious chaos or depressive danger

or unpredictable and ungrounded habitual drama scenarios 

or run around town with every person in town trying hard to keep up and belong

or addictive off your face out of body waccky tobaccy drug addled habits

or not knowing your True grounded, whole not perfect Self (yet)

you are inviting suffering, 

not just pain. 

These are all hallmarks of those with unresolved developmental attachment issues. 

So Do The Inner Work.

Mother wound, father wound, sibling wound, societal shadow inherited angst

(and here's THE hot tip... are you ready...?

every ONE of us have something to heal; 

a wound, a conditioning, an unconscious attachment pattern from childhood

 to own up to to bring to light and ultimately clear)

No biggy folks, this is what makes us ONE, 

THAT simple point right there leads to kindness and compassion FOR all. 

That point is actually humanity in it's rawest form. 

Some are just far more gracious at sharing and caring and not 

projecting their dis integrated shite. 

It may also mean deeply dark and wounded repeated whiners and whingers 

who have a problem for every solution, who point fingers, 

who spread dis ease and gossip like germs, 

who are energy addicts who lie, cheat and steal time and energy off others

are hanging on tightly, 

running away from their true self or not even knowing their true self, 

not giving a shit, constipated in fear, entitled, arrogant, unlistening 

"I'm alright Jack, fuck you win at all costs, compete hard for the win, 

do whatever it takes takes takes" 

be it in lifestyles, work or partner choices, beliefs and attitudes.

Those 

addicted to "my way or the highway" 

addicted to only fact and certainty, 

addicted to Peter Pan Escapism

addicted to group think

addicted to pattern or substance abuse

afraid of vulnerability or surrender 

or feeling fully or crying openly or showing tenderness and gentleness 

or saying "I don't know" 

or telling some stuck up mudder ducker to get fucked (whilst smiling...gently..)

or getting good and angry and venting at the appropriate moment of hurt, injustice or scorn

or saying "I don't have enough perspective to even have an opinion on that" 

or I choose to walk away because my current level of inner peace is worth more to me 

than engaging in someone else's unresolved unowned projected 

revenge seeking get square pre meditated past resentment from THEIR 

dis integrated inner turmoil.

Know where your etheric body starts and finishes. 

Gentle boundaries show others (if they are listening and self aware) where the door is. 

Boundaries are NOT harsh prison walls 

nor are they designed to separate, isolate and berate others into submission. 

Boundaries are soft wide open beaches where the gentle, kind and openly curious 

may come to bask and share (not steal) your sun

BUT not every one of those sun baskers gets to swim your oceans or 

play in your deeper jungles. 

Discernment, listening, silence, a subtle nuance, 

slowly slowly catchy monkey... 

Patience dear grasshopper...

Why is it so...?

Warning Will Robinson, warning...

Pay Attention, Be Astonished, Tell About It... 

Mindfully pay attention to the energy someone brings

subtle, nuanced, attention to detail and care FULL listening

silence says so much and cannot be misquoted... 

Projectors and dominators (and win at all costs assholes BTW) 

see any receptive, accepting, listening or soft and open hearted tender traits as weak.

That real humane and human connection scares the absolute crap out of projectors and dominators because it is foreign to them. What they do not know they reject, deride and defile.

They know not what they do, so increase The Dose, of love. 

Bullies missed out somewhere, 

as do dominators and loud aggressive competing win at all cost mansplaining takers

Take a chill pill alpha gorillas, stop thumping your chest and playing with your weany. 

Winning hard at sex, sport, business, money, video games and drinking and drug taking 

are the macho equivalents of a raging rampant dis integrated narrow minded perspective

"we won and totally owned those losers" 

version of life success

Unfortunately these macho alpha ways (from both genders) are often extended into transactional dominance or meek co-dependence in romantic and intimate relationships. 

Relating and true heart to heart connection, aka love and happiness, with NO reason, 

 are not even predicated on The Mind or come from certainty and security and "you make me feel" 

and certainly NOT ownership or dominance.  

Fill your own feeling cup. Be the love. Come From LOVE, not for love. 

Come from an overflowing abundance, not an insipid clingy drowning neediness 

of wanting someone else to be responsible for your happiness. 

Sure fully SUPPORT another's choices of unharmful happiness, 

BUT do not BE their source of happiness 

or you are setting your self up for a transactional ego to ego existence 

which goes just fine until the dis integrated ego (unresolved childhood conditioning) gets triggered.

Then the blame game and finger pointing and resentful passive aggressive manipulation MAY start.

Intimacy is being able to communicate calmy about ANYTHING, no matter the topic and

especially the scary messy shameful guilt ridden shadow crap.

That takes safety and space and grace and patience and listening as emotional openness and 

(surprise surprise) vulnerability to Go There, into The Great Unknown without any certainty and maybe be open to perspectives you had never felt, seen or considered, 

especially ones that may trigger a dis integrated ego. 

(simple unhealed mother father sibling family of origin conditioning usually, 

NOT just the far more obvious "trauma" 

which IS very real but NOT as common as conditioning, which we all have) 

Real Intimacy is not having a convenient on call fuck buddy 

to poke a stick at or throw a bone to or call in and control whenever The Mood strikes. 

Intimacy is moving towards the centre, slowness, safety, warmth, silent listening, 

a non sexual non physical for play with no intention to progress around The Bases

intimacy is far more a fully felt and vulnerable open energetic connection, 

a safe expansive space to be held and heard and felt as who you really are, so

dance, sing, laugh, cry, hold, hug, do housework, be The Parent who shows up

then the outrageously delicious and deeply consensually body blowing (not mind) sex follows.

Never assign your inner state to someone else otherwise you have just sold your self out. 

Be happy, Be Bliss, Be love for NO reason. 

That's where The True Nature Whole Magic Lives

And that's who YOU already are. 

Once you realize that shiFt for your self. 

Beware red flags;

they feel dominance and competition to win at all costs and might is right, 

they project above and through a dominating ego with force full mansplaining, 

they still have not turned within to do the deep, reflective, messy work 

on a still fragmented or dis integrated ego

they still have unresolved mother or father wounds, 

sibling wounds or other patterns of childhood conditioning they are unconscious of

they deny these unconsciously inherited patterns 

through their own family of origin, even exist

(enabling/abandonment/enmeshment/perfectionism/people pleasing/healing, fixing, saving others) 

 

Others may slow down, internally, create the inner space to listen and connect, 

and may choose to hold the mirror up to the true self and go within to do the often times, messy, dark, painful shadow work of releasing these inherited, family of origin patterns with 

self compassion, with self love and self care.

Basically they own their shit and do NOT project it onto you.

They do NOT blame you.

They are big enough (calm and clear and spacious enough inside) 

NOT to get triggered and take everything personally.

They are open to wonder, ask better questions and are open to communicate about even the most challenging, difficult, awkward and taboo topics,

like shame and guilt and insecurity and our childhood conditioning. 

(which we all have to some degree)

Every child is conditioned by parents, or principal care givers.

Conditioning is part of the parental role, some choose to do it consciously, 

parents who prioritize parenting ABOVE all else

otherwise why have children at all?

Some people who end up carrying the unconscious energy as resigned or trapped or forced "parents" 

(who didn't really want kids, or an unplanned pregnancy that was not agreed to and was not terminated, or agreed to a partners desire to have children, so you went along with it, or feeling abandoned after conception and unsupported during the pregnancy, or a partner leaves after conception before birth, or you had kids because you were lonely, bored, all your friends were and "that's just what you do...")

If children result from any unconscious energy or lack of support or a somatic energy of priority and really wanting them as your number ONE choice, then a "parent" 

(aka a grown ass human now with a responsibility for another human life, not a puppy or a kitten...) 

So if that human "parent" has got no clue and can not remain open to learn and observe their child

or if that "parent" finds them self in a place they really don't want to be 

so they resist BEING a "parent" and carry on as before they had this new beautiful soul responsibility, 

or worse run away from parenting, then that soul the child may be in for a lot of somatic "conditioning"

The unconscious parent will pass on THEIR inherited parents wounds...

aka intergenerational inherited conditioning, somatic patterns and 

emotional trauma that was never yours. 

The somatic energy cycle continues until a conscious human who prioritizes becoming a parent 

and chooses to do their inner healing work and 

chooses to draw a line in the sand and say 

"no more wounded children", this inherited conditioning and family of origin patterning 

stops with me. 

I will not (to the best of my ability of course) 

pass on any "terms and conditions", patterns of dysfunction, unconscious mother/father/sibling wounds 

I was gifted by my lineage, my family of origin, my parents and my upbringing.

This shiFt starts and stops with ME for the sake of my children's well being.

 

That is empowered, responsible, conscious parenting 

that involves the choice to prioritize your OWN healing,

if not for your self which it should be firstly, 

then certainly for your children. 

Other wise, it may be best NOT to unconsciously procreate and 

bring a new soul into the world who will be subjected to 

your inherited unhealed energy, a dis integrated still fragmented ego 

or worse, malicious inflicting of suffering, trauma and pain

that you have not yet cleared and resolved. 

Hurt people hurt people. People who were bullied, become bullies. 

Abandoned addicted enmeshed co-dependent neglected children

often go on to share those traits with their children.

You can only model and Be what you were exposed to.

Unless you CHOOSE to learn new ways of Being. 

Which means prioritizing conscious healing of your own inherited patterns. 

First. 

Self knowledge is the simplest and easiest way to do this.

To know ones True whole Self or True grounded Nature, 

before any inherited somatic "terms and conditions" were imposed. 

We do the work to consciously own and integrate the gifts within being triggered 

We open up to a more expansive way of being, we learn new ways, we listen, we ask better questions, we wonder more, we other's judge less, once exposed to a broader range of perspectives

then we slowly come home to our true self 

we come back to who we have always been

we return to Love before any terms and conditions

we simple integrate our ego (not transcend, not escape, not blame others, not rise above) 

and stop projecting our unhealed patterns onto others, and especially NOT our children.

We do this by choosing responsibility, 

by choosing to be self compassionate whilst we do this inner healing

by choosing not to stay stuck as an unkind, sarcastic, negative, 

perpetually whining, come save me, addicted, broken record victim.

Yes trauma is and was VERY real, just do NOT stay stuck there for the rest of your life. 

Choose to feel, peel and reveal YOUR inner energy 

Choose to face up to any inherited conditioning or wounds or trauma and be vulnerable in either seeking help, asking others, listening not projecting, getting curious about the past foundations you came from right back to conception, then by going within ever more subtly and deeply to own our yet to be resolved past patterns or current relationship disfunctions. 

The journey is beaitiful, once we het honest and return to wholeness,

who we have always been.

Which is simplest most easy journey of self knowledge.

Once it is pointed out to you. 

There are NO reasons for happiness. 

We stop blaming the other "out there", we stop finger pointing and grow up (wake up?) and realize the only true freedom comes from within and only eventually by knowing who we really are 

at our truest most grounded, unwavering, never changing, unadulterated core,

just as we ALL were born. 

(which is love bliss and happiness for NO reason) 

Otherwise you will remain chasing your own tail, 

you will remain uncentred, remain incomplete, remain fractured and dis integrated, 

trying so so hard to be good and fit in and people please and heal others 

trying so hard to work hard to Be hard to win at all costs

by accumulating layers of material addictions 

trying hard to soothe the pain of not knowing your own True Nature

trying hard to win at life and transact at life and tell. sell. yell at life by 

projecting and blaming and telling everyone else what to do.

When the realization is right at the tip of your own nose...

Once you authentically live it and feel it and Be it.

Your True Self.

Who you have always been, 

you may have just got momentarily lost, 

hiding behind labels, believing dogma, being right, not kind, 

being oh so certain of every god damned thing, 

not changing your mind, not being open to receive, not being curious

playing a role someone else wanted you to 

or told you to or showed you, (thanks parents....) 

or you stumble form crisis to crisis, drama to drama, partner to partner

discontent, buying safety, working to exhaustion, putting up with less than you deserve,

seeking and searching and projecting hard for something that is already here...

Your own True Nature, always present and hiding in plain sight, 

And only you get to choose when THAT ONE moment or revelation may be.