Intimacy Patterns, What Was Our Past Exposure?
via mindfulmft
"I’m not talking about one offs, I’m talking about agreements (spoken or not) where couples avoid disagreements or conflict of any kind to keep the peace and likely avoid the things that are coded as stressful or threatening.
Agreeing to never disagree is one of the ways that a couple can maintain pseudo-intimacy. It’s a tricky one, for sure, because on the surface it looks and feels quite lovely.
But avoiding it blocks us from intimacy.
It blocks us from leaning in and understanding more about the self and more about the other.
Never disagreeing can block growth, expansion, and a deep sense of connection that comes on the other side of navigating confronting things.
Hang with me here.
Sometimes we do this because conflict is coded as dangerous, scary, or not worth it.
Maybe we grew up in a family system where members were high conflict without any resolution.
Maybe a parent or sibling was abusive.
Maybe what happened during and after conflict is something we just decided we need to avoid.
Keeping the peace is healthier, simpler, and safer.
And so I get it. AND, here’s the invitation to look a bit closer.
Is never disagreeing blocking you from conversations?
Does it keep you from bringing things forward?
Does it keep you from honoring something within that needs to be said?
Does it block something for your partner?
Does it block you from connecting with your emotion?
Feeling your feelings deeply?
Remember, intimacy is not just with others.
Intimacy is about going inner most with the self.
Agreeing to never disagree with yourself is a way of blocking intimacy with the self too.
Never disagreeing with your own belief systems -
Never disagreeing with your programming and conditioning -
Never disagreeing with your narratives.
It all blocks us from going further.
So please look at the ways you might be blocking intimacy that may actually present as “nice” or “healthy” on the surface.
Just always keep gentleness and compassion front and center.
We block as ways of protecting.
So uncovering these parts needs love, patience, and understanding.
#mindfulmft
